Earthquake in Chile: God’s Wrath
Revelations 6: 12 He opened the sixth seal, and a great earthquake occurred…
At last count, the 8.8 earthquake that hit Chile today had killed almost 300 people. This, one must assume, is because they or their ancestors obviously did something that angered God. We know this because, in the wake of the Haitian earthquake, Pat Robertson explained to the world that earthquakes were a sign of God’s disfavor. (see video at bottom).
As we all know, Haiti is an evil, godless country that worships Satan through its national religion, Voodoo. Granted, to believe this blessed revelations by Mr. Robertson we will have to set aside some troubling details… like the fact that Voodoo practitioners don’t believe in Satan. Regardless, according to Robertson, the Haitians sold their souls to the devil in exchange for freedom from the French. (I mean really, who can blame them? How much brie and baguette can one nation abide?)
But now we have Chile…
Chile gained their independence from Spain, not France. Instead of a revolt, the Chileans went at it with an old-fashioned, blood-and-guts revolution in 1810. It took thirty years of killing, maiming, and slaughter before the nation finally gained its independence in 1840. By comparison, the Haitians only fought for fourteen years. That’s half the time. (Apparently it pays to have Satan on your side, though I still say they got ripped off. If I’m selling my soul, I want a quick win, dammit.)
By all accounts, the Chileans did not have Satan on their side. To make matters even more confusing, Chile is a staunchly Christian nation. At last count, over 53 percent of the populous were actual, practicing Protestants. Like, real protestants… the ones that actually go to church every week and really believe the crap— er, doctrine. Of these, 17% of them are Evangelical Christians; Robertson’s ilk.
Why, then, would God be mad at them? What could these people possibly have done to stir the ire of the Almighty to the point where He wreaked vengeance on them? I have two theories…
My first theory is the more esoteric of the two, and attempts to reconcile Pat Robertson’s revelations with the state of Chile: The Chileans are paying the price for religious tolerance. It only makes sense. You see, while many of them are good, God-fearing Christians, they have allowed religious tolerance to seep into their culture. The nation is chock-full of Jews, Seventh Day Adventists, Jehovah’s Witnesses… even Baha’Is. This, one might assume, would be more than enough to annoy a jealous and temperamental Evangelical God.
My second theory, while more succinct, is the better thought-out of the two: Both earthquakes were random acts of nature. (I understand how radical this approach might seem to the Evangelicals out there.) This theory exonerates both Chileans and Haitians, and places the blame for these earthquakes solely on the capricious nature of tectonic shifts and the unpredictability of sudden plate movements. Of course, for this theory to be true, Pat Robertson would have to be a malicious, self-centered moron that needs to be smacked upside the head with a deluxe, hardcover edition of The Origin of the Species.
I am leaning heavily toward theory two.
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